Wait. A little longer. Nearly there. Well, grab a towel and clean it up your d*mn self! Okay. Here we go. Right, dinner. I do that part. Hey! that plate is for you, crazy-head. Five more minutes, and then I can create. I just need a wee bit more mental space....story time. That's right. Well, pick out some books, and.... No, you cannot have five stories tonight, but you can...well yes, you may have two. Two stories. Did I white-out those words as I spoke them to your ears? Oh, you forgot to put on your listening ears. Well then. Let's get to it, shall we? Once upon a time.... Not that way, eh? Yes, you're entirely correct in your opinion AND assumption. Shall I start over? Okay, you can be the child and I'll be the mom. Right. Child. You. Mom.... I'm glad you get it already. Sometimes you can be a mom, but not until you're 42 and I've interviewed every potential father on the planet. No the planet is not plate shaped, but I see where you get your hypothesis since a plate is round similar to a ball. Well, a ball is also known as a sphere and that means.... Yes, you may have chicken nuggets for dinner tomorrow. No, not the entire bag. Oh, so you really found your sock this time? Sam got it, you say? No kidding. Yeah, I bet he did mistake it for his finger puppet. No, I promise to take your socks from him if it should ever happen again. I don't actually want to to wear a Mr. Yuck sticker to my first day of class, but thank you very much for being so gracious with your sticker collection. Yes, you do need more. I see. Well, the smelly girl in your class probably farted, which led to an increase in her Range of Odor. You cannot bring hand-sanitizer to 1st grade. I'm sorry, but I simply won't allow it. Yes, you may ask your teacher for some hand-sanitizer, BUT ONLY TO USE ON YOUR HANDS, NOT Smelly Girl!!! You're welcome for clarifying the situation. I'm sure Smelly Girl's mother would love to have coffee with me sometime. Why do you want to have a sleepover in the library? Ducks, huh? No way. I'm actually proficient in duck noises on three continents. How did I learn this? Reading. Really; seriously. No, not weeding. Reeeeaaaddiiiiiing. Oh, you've put your listening ears away for the evening. Well, that was a lovely story, but I think that my voice needs to take a small vacation. Oh no, just for a tiny moment. Yes, that was in fact a tiny moment. Like when you were a baby. No, I wasn't going to name you Moment. Or Shamrock. Yes, I have. What shoes? The pink ones? Ooooh, the other pink ones. Yes, you may. So by pink you actually mean brown. Sweet dreams, Princess Fart Head. Okay a lullaby. Not that one? How about Silent Night? No? But I just sang three entire songs for you and added a jazz beat to the last. The song from that time we rode a bus and you forgot your hat? There wasn't a song. That was me groaning from bus nausea. I actually do not know what happened to your toilet paper roll bumble bee from Kindergarten. It's possible that the lovely folks at the recycling center needed it for inspiration. Yes, I do have underwear. You'll get your own when you grow up. Underwear too, but I was referring to a driver's license since you asked me that first. Maybe cars will be outlawed when you're older and you'll just have to walk everywhere. Of course you can be a pilot. Why would I tell you not to do something like that? Right. Yes, that does make sense. I did tell you not to jump down the escalator at the airport for safety reasons and spiritual longevity. It does sound like gravity. It's the thing that keeps your feet on the ground. Otherwise you'd have to swim in the sky. Sam's in your toy box you say? I should rescue him for you? Wait one moment. I need protective clothing. And some cleaning supplies. Well, cats aren't meant to live in toy-boxes however magical they may or may not be. You cannot be The Nutcracker when you grow up. I lost the Fairy Godmother's number, so you'll have to remain a real girl. I'm sure you could make a fake, telegraphing nose. We can. Well, first I have to download the app to my phone, then we can look at constellations. Floss? It comes from the ancient Greeks. I swear! Okay, it comes from a mass distribution center somewhere in Ohio. The first explanation was much more thrilling, was it not? Of course I love you! Hey, it's six hours ahead in France! We went there when you were four days old so that I could check it off your to-do list before you knew you wanted to go there. Yes, you may live in Mexico. It is fun to say, isn't it. Sure thing, kiddo. And you may adopt sixty-three cats. No, a badger would not make the best of friend in Mexico. Something about the heat; you understand. Alright, good night. Sweet dreams. Yes, I do put sugar in my coffee. Thanks for your understanding. Jamaica. Really. Yes we can go there. Five years from tomorrow sounds lovely. Ready? Three, two, one....
Operation Sleeping Child has commenced. Now, I finally have time to write my blog! If only this puzzle game wasn't so compelling....
